You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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