If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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