the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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