Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
