Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
