U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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