Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
