can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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