Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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