We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
