I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
