direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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