Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the condom got lost in my hair
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
