Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
