I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
