I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
