I heard we made out
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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