dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
this will be a night to untag.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
