We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
