Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
