4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
