so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
