another moral hangover. fuck.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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