Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My feet surprised me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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