Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
