Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
