I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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