some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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