So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
