Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
