Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
how does that bad decision feel?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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