Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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