I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
