I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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