I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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