I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
