Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i out mim tonsoeep
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
