If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
