I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
