my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
