I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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