I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
