Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
