Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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