I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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