I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
