you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
