Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
