walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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