Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
zippers are such a cool invention
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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