TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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