I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
