I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
