I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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