If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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