i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
