The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
